What Doesn't Kill You
by Every Shade of Blue
Summary: Lee Adama died on Kobol... only he didn't. The Cylons found him, and now, months later, the Galactica rescues him from their prison ship. It takes him a long time to heal, during which his family relationships become more important than ever. [Whump, angst, fluff, extended Adama family: Bill x Laura, Lee x Kara (but no more than already happens on the show anyway, really).]
1. One

A/N: Most of this will follow Lee's POV, and will be written in a sort of stream-of-consciousness form. Some of the early chapters are very short since stream-of-consciousness involves being, you know, conscious.

* * *

1.

The first time Lee wakes, he can't remember his name. It's a strange feeling, and it scares him. He knows what he looks like; he knows he has brown hair and blue eyes that match his dad's. He knows he's a pilot, and he's got a stubborn streak a mile wide, and he's pretty sure that came from his dad, too.

But he can't remember his name.

So he tries to think about something else. Like… like how something feels different. But what? Gods, it's so hard to concentrate, so hard just to think. But not as hard as it was.

The drugs. There are some that wear off quickly, and the Cylons dose him with more every day. But not today.

Today, something is different.

_Think._

_Concentrate._

_It's there. It has to be there somewhere._

_Find it._

He can't find it. The rest of the drugs, the ones that take much, much longer to wear off, keep the thought from forming properly, and it slips away. Damn those Cylon bastards. Damn them and their drugs. They keep him from seeing things clearly, from feeling sharp. The Cylons can't let him feel sharp.

Sharp like a knife.

A knife can cut the Cylons, can hurt them, can make them stop.

_Stop._

_That's the drugs talking._

_Stop._

_Concentrate._

…_I can't._

The room around him shakes, but he doesn't know why. Everything is shaking. Or maybe he's imagining it; it wouldn't be the first time.

He hears footsteps, voices.

_What are they saying?_

_Does it even matter?_

_They're only going to hurt me again._

_Gods, please don't let them hurt me again._

_I can't take it anymore._

_I can't._

_I can't…_

The voices are closer now, but he never finds out who they belong to, because he's already sinking back into oblivion.


	2. Two

2.

He's surrounded by people, dark figures he doesn't recognize. He can't see their faces. Part of him is afraid to. He knows they're Cylons. They're always Cylons.

It takes him longer than it should to realize that they're carrying him, but even once he does, he can't focus enough to see where they're going.

_I don't know where they're taking me._

_What are they going to do to me now?_

_I'm so scared._

_Gods, I'm so scared._

While he'd been lying still, he almost hadn't realized how much pain he was in. Now, though, the movement was agonizing.

_It hurts._

_Everything hurts._

He feels himself sinking into the pain, falling through it, drowning in it, and then the world again fades to black.


	3. Flashback One

Flashback 1: Bill and Lee

_Lee skidded to a stop behind a fallen tree, breathing heavily and wiping rainwater and sweat from his eyes. His father gripped his arm._

"_How many did you see?"_

"_Five Centurions," Lee answered grimly. "And two skinjobs."_

"_Frak," Bill swore under his breath._

_They were pinned down now, separated from the rest of their group – assuming, of course, that anyone else was even still alive._

"_Any ideas?"_

_Bill could see the faint hope in his son's eyes, realized that somewhere deep in Lee's heart, there was a small part of him that still saw his dad as invincible, as a commander who couldn't be beaten._

_It hurt more than he could describe to have to dash that hope._

"_No," he answered quietly, apologetically._

_Lee's heart sank. He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment and took a deep breath. Then he looked back up at his dad. "I have one."_

"_What's that?"_

"_Run."_

_Bill stared at his son. "What?"_

"_We're not that far from the Raptor. Just run. I'll cover you."_

"_Like hell you will!"_

_Lee was about to respond when the sound of heavy footsteps shattered the silence of the forest. The Cylons had found them._

"_Dad, run!"_

_The two of them broke cover simultaneously, sprinting in the direction of their shuttle. They could only hope that everyone else had already made it back._

_Almost as soon as they moved, shots began to ring out, bullets raining down thick and fast around them. Lee fell back a step behind his father, firing wildly behind him – and then he collapsed._

_It took him a few seconds to realize that he'd been hit, blood pouring from a wound in his right thigh._

"_Lee!"_

_Bill grabbed his son, pulling him to his feet. "Come on!"_

"_Dad, no!" Lee pushed him off, steadying himself against a tree. "If you want to make it out of here alive, then go! You have to go!"_

"_If you think I'm leaving you here – " He was interrupted by another spray of gunfire, and to his horror, Lee went down again, bleeding now from his left side. Bill caught him as he fell, leaning him back against a tree._

"_Lee – "_

_Lee coughed weakly, blood dripping from his lips. "Time to go, Dad." His voice was raspy and labored. Reaching up, he gripped the chain around his neck and tugged until it came off. He pressed the dog tags into his father's hand._

"_Go. Please."_

_The footsteps were closer now, the Centurions nearly on top of them._

_Looking back down at his son, Bill saw that his eyes were closed, and his chest wasn't moving. He was gone._

_Tears streamed down his face as he brushed a hand over his son's cheek, leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his pale forehead._

"_Oh, Lee," he whispered softly, holding his son for the last time. "I'm so sorry." And then his voice broke as he said the words that his son should have heard a long time ago, the words he would now never get to hear._

"_I love you."_


	4. Three

3.

The next time he wakes, he's back in a bed. He's back in the cold, dark room, back where the Cylons always keep him, back where they hurt him.

But wait…

This room is different. It's warmer. Just a little brighter. The bed is softer, and he's covered with a grey blanket.

_I've been here before._

He knows this place. He knows it well, knows that it's important to him.

_Why can't I remember?_

_Where am I?_

_What are they doing to me?_

_It still hurts._

_I'm still scared._

_Somebody help me._

_Please._


	5. Four

4.

He wakes to voices, angry, arguing over something.

" – telling you, he was awake!"

"That's not possible. Not with the amount of drugs in his system."

Arguing over him?

"Doctor, I saw his eyes open! He opened his eyes, and he looked around, and he fainted again. I promise you, I am not making this up."

He thinks he knows those voices. Or at least, he should. But again, he can't remember.

"Well you're damned well not telling his father!"

_My father?_

"Why not? The commander deserves to know – "

"Because I'm not giving the man false hope, that's why not! There's every chance that Lee Adama is _never_ going to wake up, and I'm not telling the commander otherwise until I have proof!"

_Lee._

_My name is Lee._

_Lee Adama._


	6. Five

5.

_My name is Lee._

When he wakes for the fifth time, it's hard to make himself remember, but somehow he succeeds. He's Lee Adama, and he's not going to let himself forget it again.

He opens his eyes and sees that he's still in the same room as the last time. And he's not alone.

A man sits in a chair nearby, dozing fitfully. His face is stern and lined, and his once dark hair is turning grey.

Lee stares at his face.

_I know you._

_I know you._

_I _should_ know you._

_I can't remember._

As though he knows he's being watched, the man stirs, wakes with a start. Looks up at Lee with a pair of bright, clear blue eyes.

"Lee?"

He's staring in shock, seems almost unable to believe what he's seeing.

_Are you my dad?_

Lee can already feel himself starting to fade. He's so tired, he can't make himself stay awake much longer.

_Ask._

_Say it._

_You can do it._

_Just say something. Anything._

"Dad?"

With a faint gasp, the man reaches out, grabs Lee's hand, holds on tightly. His eyes are even brighter now, glistening with tears.

"It's me. I'm right here."

"Dad…"

He wants to say more, but he can't. His vision is fading fast, but he struggles to hold onto this image of his father for as long as possible.

_Don't leave me._

_Please._

His dad gives him a strained, painful smile as he answers: "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. I promise."

The last thing Lee remembers is a faint confusion.

_Did I say that out loud?_


	7. Flashback Two

Flashback 2: Bill

"_What the hell is that thing?" Saul Tigh peered over Gaeta's shoulder at the Dradis display, examining the enormous Cylon vessel that had just jumped into view._

_Bill didn't answer. He'd never seen anything like it before, and he didn't care to guess._

"_Galactica, Starbuck," Kara's voice sounded over the wireless. "Wish I could tell you what the hell I'm looking at right now. Looks a little smaller than a basestar, similar shape, but… I don't know, it doesn't seem to have any weapons. Do I order my squad to attack?"_

_Bill considered his answer for a moment. If it didn't have any weaponry, they could simply disable its FTL, rendering it unable to escape. They question was whether or not there was any real advantage to be gained by doing so._

"_Hang on!" Kara's surprised voice interrupted his thoughts. "They're launching ships!"_

"_Raiders?" Bill asked automatically._

"_No, sir, they're not registering as Raiders on Dradis," Gaeta answered._

_Kara confirmed his assessment. "They don't look like Raiders. I think they're escape pods."_

_Bill made his decision immediately. "Starbuck, Galactica actual. Your orders are to pursue and destroy!"_

"_Yes, sir!"_

_Bill listened idly to the sounds of Starbuck and her pilots going after the Cylon shuttles. Much like the main ship, the shuttles apparently lacked weaponry, and the pilots didn't have any trouble mopping them up._

"_Can I ask what your plan is?" Tigh said quietly, moving to stand next to Bill._

"_The Cylons are abandoning that ship, and I want to know why," Bill answered. "If we let any of them escape, it'll be too dangerous for us to stay here long enough to find out."_

_It only took a few minutes more for the pilots to finish off the last of the Cylon ships._

"_Galactica, Starbuck. All enemies destroyed. Repeat, all enemies destroyed. None were able to jump away."_

"_Actual, Starbuck," Bill replied. "Good shooting, Lieutenant. Your orders are to set up a patrol around the main vessel and bring the rest of your pilots home."_

"_Understood. Starbuck out."_

_Bill again turned to Tigh. "I want marines on that ship ASAP. Find out what the hell's going on here."_

"_Yes, sir."_

_A short time later, CIC was almost deathly silent as everyone listened to the reports of the marines who were exploring the strange Cylon ship._

"_It – it seems to be a prison ship," the squad leader said in a low voice. "The hallways are lined with cells… a lot of them are empty, but some have people in them…"_

"_Gods, this is horrible…" another voice said quietly._

"_Sir! Over here!"_

_There was a tense minute or two of silence over the wireless, and then the voice of the squad leader again._

"_Commander Adama… are you listening?"_

"_I'm here. Go ahead, Captain."_

"_Sir, you're – you're going to want to get down to the hangar bay."_

"_What – "_

_Dee's voice interrupted him. "Sir, one of the squad's Raptors is asking for permission to land!"_

"_Granted," Bill said automatically, confused. "Why have you sent one of your shuttles back, Captain? Are there prisoners from that ship aboard?"_

"_Just one, sir," the Captain answered reluctantly. "It's your son."_

BSG BSG BSG

_Bill didn't remember leaving CIC, didn't remember running down to the hangar bay. All he knew was that suddenly he was there, out of breath, racing toward the Raptor, reaching it just as the door opened. A marine stepped out, tried to say something to him, but Bill didn't stop, simply brushed past him and entered the shuttle._

"_Oh, gods…"_

_A small form lay on the floor of the ship, covered in a blanket. He was painfully thin, his face pale, bruised, and bloody, his hair longer than Bill was used to – but even so, he was unmistakably Lee._

"_Lee?" Bill dropped to his knees next to him, feeling for a pulse. He could barely find one. "Somebody send for Doc Cottle!" he said roughly, his voice breaking slightly._

"_Already done, sir," the marine answered. "He's on his way."_

"_Well tell him to hurry the frak up," Bill snapped, not caring how furious he sounded. It didn't matter. All that mattered now was Lee._

"_Hang on, Little One," he whispered softly, reaching for his son's hand. "Please just hang on."_


	8. Six

6.

"Captain Adama. Can you hear me? _Captain._"

Lee recognizes one of the arguing voices from – how long ago now? Hours? Days? Weeks? He has no way of knowing. He doesn't even know how long he was with the Cylons. It could have been weeks, could have been months, could have been years for all he knows. It certainly feels like years. Years in hell.

"Captain!"

He opens his eyes with a start, frightened and shivering.

The man in front of him isn't his father. He's wearing a doctor's coat, and at first that scares Lee even more. One of the Cylons always wears a doctor's coat. One of the ones who seems to enjoy hurting him the most.

But this man doesn't look like that Cylon.

He doesn't look like any Cylon. In fact, right now he looks sorry. The Cylons never look sorry.

But…

_That's wrong._

This man shouldn't be looking at him with pity in his eyes. This man isn't like that. He never shows pity. More often than not, he shows annoyance at whatever damned fool has gone and gotten himself injured.

_How do I know that?_

_I know that, but I don't know your name._

The man shakes his head apologetically, rests a hand on Lee's shoulder but pulls it back quickly when Lee shies away.

"I'm sorry," he says gruffly. "I shouldn't have yelled. I didn't mean to scare you."

Lee doesn't know what to say or what to do. He can still feel his heart racing, can't seem to make himself calm down.

A hand finds his and grips it hard.

Lee turns his head to the other side, and his father is there, holding onto him, silently calming him with his presence.

"Told you I wouldn't leave," he whispers with the smallest of smiles.

Lee breathes a sigh of relief and turns back toward the doctor.

"Can you tell me your name?" the man asks quietly, obviously making a conscious effort not to frighten his patient again.

_Lee Adama._

_My name is Lee._

But he can't make himself say it.

Why can't he say it?

He squeezes his eyes shut, and suddenly he's surrounded by Cylons again, and they're hurting him, hurting him so badly.

"Tell me your name!" It's the one in the doctor's coat, and he's angry, furious because Lee won't answer his question.

_Don't answer._

_Don't tell him._

_It'll only make it easier to give in later._

_Can't tell them anything._

_Can't._

_Won't._

_But it hurts._

_It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts –_

"Lee!"

His father's voice shatters the memory, and his arms around him shelter him from the broken remains. Lee buries his face in his dad's chest, gasping, suddenly ashamed of the tears that stream uncontrollably down his face.

"It's okay," his father's voice whispers in his ear. "Everything's gonna be okay. Trust me."

_I trust you._

The doctor tries again, avoiding his first question in favor of a safer one. "Can you tell me my name?"

Lee stares at him for a long moment, but nothing happens.

_I can't remember._

The frustration he feels must show on his face, because the doctor quickly shakes his head and says, "Never mind. Don't worry about it. How about where you are? Can you tell me that?"

_I'm home._

"Galactica."

"Good." The man nods, obviously relieved. "Can you tell me anything about yourself? Your serial number, maybe?"

That's safe. The Cylons never asked him that. But again, he can't remember.

_Lee Adama._

_Captain Lee Adama._

_CAG._

_Serial number…_

He draws a blank, tries again.

_Serial number…_

Finally, he shakes his head, defeated.

"It's all right," the doctor says immediately. "You know you're on Galactica, and you recognize your dad, so you clearly remember the basics, at least. Everything else should come easier once the rest of the drugs have worn off."

Drugs. That's why he already feels so tired, so dizzy. The room is starting to spin around him, and the doctor's voice seems to have to cross a great distance before it reaches his ears.

"I'll leave you to rest for a while. You're obviously in safe hands."

_Dad. You stayed. You stayed for me._

His father's hand brushes against his face, gently wiping away the tears, letting him know that he has nothing to be ashamed of.

Then he takes Lee's hand again and squeezes it tightly.

Lee squeezes back and holds on until everything again fades to black.


	9. Seven

7.

The next time he wakes is slower, easier, more like waking from a comfortable sleep than waking from the groggy haze that the drugs always throw him into. He wonders if that means they're finally wearing off.

He opens his eyes, and the room focuses a little faster than usual. The drugs are definitely wearing off, thank the gods.

His father is gone.

Instead, a blonde woman sits in his usual chair, watching Lee rather nervously.

_I know you._

_I know your name._

_Please let me remember her name_, he begs silently on the off chance that there's any deity who might happen to feel like listening.

"Hey," she says, giving him an uncertain smile.

"Hey," he answers just as uncertainly.

_I know your name._

_I know it's here somewhere._

_I know…_

"Your dad had to leave for a while. Some emergency in CIC. He asked me to stay with you." There's a look in her eyes, barely noticeable but definitely there. It's disappointment. "He said you might not remember me."

Lee struggles to sit up, so she raises the head of his bed a little bit. He stares at her face, taking in every familiar detail. Her name is close in his memory, hovering infuriatingly just out of reach.

"I remember you. But I can't…" He trails off as a bleary, half-formed memory surfaces in his mind.

_A small, cramped room – a bunkroom? A table with something on it… a helmet and a can of paint. Red paint, spilled across the floor. His father is there, and the blonde woman. She knocked it over. Or did he?_

"_You're the worst CAG in the history of CAG's, actually."_

_They're laughing. She's teasing him. She always teases him._

"Lee?" Her voice snaps him back to the present.

"You spilled the paint," he blurts out before he realizes he wants to say it, wants to tell her that he remembers… whatever that was.

She looks confused and more than a little concerned. "What?"

"In the bunkroom. I was painting a – a helmet. With red paint. You spilled it."

Her confusion quickly disappears, replaced with a smile. "Actually, I was pretty sure _you _spilled it."

Lee frowns, tries to call the scene back, but the concrete images are gone, leaving him with nothing but hazy impressions. "No fair," he mumbles, frustrated. "You _would_ try to confuse a guy with no memory."

She grins happily. "So you _do _remember me!" The smile fades as she looks at his face. "Right?"

_I know your name._

_I know it._

_I can remember._

_Please let me remember._

"Your name is – is…" He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, struggling to fight through the fog that's holding the words at bay.

_He's in the cockpit of a small ship. A Viper. He's flying, and he's alone._

_No, not alone. There's another ship, a Cylon ship. He was trying to shoot it down, but he missed. It's behind him now, following him. But it's not firing. Why isn't it firing?_

_It's above him._

_There's something painted on the wings._

_Eight letters, four on each side._

_What are they?_

_I know what they are._

_I just have to see them._

_Let me see them…_

"Starbuck!"

He opens his eyes, looks up at her, and immediately his mind connects the word irrevocably to her. He knows it's right, even before she nods, relieved.

"That's my call sign," she confirms for him.

But it's not enough. He doesn't know her as a pilot with a call sign. He knows her as a friend with a name. A real name.

_Who is Starbuck?_

_Starbuck is…_

_Is…_

_Kara._

_Kara Thrace._

He looks at her for a long time, memorizing the words and the way they make him feel, ensuring that he won't forget them again.

"Kara Thrace," he whispers finally.

This time, instead of smiling, she bites her lip as her eyes fill with tears – and then launches herself forward and hugs him. It hurts like hell, but for some reason, he doesn't really mind.

They hang onto each other for a long time, so long that he actually starts to wonder if _she's _all right (the irony isn't lost on him), because out of all the confused, muddled scenes and images that fill his head when he tries to think about her, none are this calm and affectionate. Finally, he has to ask.

"Are you okay?"

She reluctantly lets go and leans back, taking a good long look at him.

"You have no idea, do you? Your dad didn't tell you?"

The way she says it makes him nervous. "Tell me what?"

"We thought you were dead, Lee," she answers quietly.

_Oh._

That explains a lot. Like the way he sometimes wakes up to find his dad looking at him as though he can't believe he's really there. And the way visitors to sickbay tend to stare and look shocked when they notice him.

He's a dead man.

_He was in a forest. It was raining. His dad was there. They were running, had been for a long time. Running from what?_

_Cylons. Of course. There were Cylons._

_But where…_

_Kobol._

_They had found the Tomb of Athena. Then the Cylons had found them._

_They were running, just Lee and his dad. They had lost everyone else. The Cylons were close…_

_Pain, sharp and sudden in his leg. They'd shot him._

"_If you want to make it out of here alive, then go!"_

"_If you think I'm leaving you – "_

_More pain, so much worse this time. His chest felt tight. He couldn't breathe._

"_Time to go, Dad."_

_Nothing. His memory was nearly blank, nothing but a dark fog. And then his dad's voice, breaking through, echoing in his ears:_

"_I love you."_

_And then nothing._

"Lee!"

He looks up when Kara shakes him slightly, looking worried. "You've got to stop doing that! I thought something was wrong."

"Sorry," he answers shakily.

Kara watches him closely. "What did you just remember?"

_Of course you know. You always could read me better than anyone else._

"Kobol," he answers in a small voice. "Getting shot. And then nothing until I woke up… with them. The Cylons." He looks away from her, staring down at his hands, finally realizing that he's gripping the blanket so tightly his knuckles are white and his fingernails are digging into his palms through the fabric. He takes a few deep breaths, suddenly feeling sick.

And then he realizes that he and Kara aren't alone anymore. His father is back, watching him with pain and guilt written all over his face.

Lee wants to ask why, but the nausea is quickly getting worse, and he closes his eyes, pressing back against the pillows as the room spins and blurs…


	10. Eight

8.

_Withdrawal._

He vaguely remembers hearing the word at some point, knows it was the doctor – whose name he still hasn't remembered – and it doesn't take him long to figure out what's going on, why he feels so wrong.

_The drugs have worn off._

_I'm going through withdrawal._

_It won't last._

_It'll be over soon._

_I hope…_

It's cold; he can't stop shivering, and his chest feels tight.

It's hot; he's burning up, sweat soaking his exhausted body, and everything aches.

A rough hand brushes over his forehead, pushing his shaggy hair back away from his sweaty face. He shies away, shivering violently.

_Cylons._

_Don't touch me._

_Get away from me._

_Don't hurt me._

"Lee, it's okay," a familiar voice whispers close by. "It's just me. You're safe."

_Dad._

_Don't leave._

_Please don't leave._

"I won't go anywhere, Lee. I promise I won't leave you. I'll stay as long as you need me."


	11. Nine

9.

Lee can't remember what it's like to not feel sick. He's still shivering uncontrollably, alternating between chills and feverish hot flashes.

He's lost track of how many times he's vomited, leaving him to wonder how exactly it's possible that there's anything left in his stomach.

Worst of all, everything hurts. He can't move without his body aching from head to toe.

As best as he can tell, his father hasn't left his side – not for long, anyway. He thinks maybe he remembers waking up to Kara instead of his dad just once or twice, but he can't be sure. All he knows is that when he's cold, it's always his father who covers him with an extra blanket; when he's hot, it's always his father who bathes his face and neck with water to cool him down; when the nausea overwhelms him, it's always his father who holds him and offers him water to rinse the bitter taste from his mouth.

It's the first time in his life that he can remember his dad being there for him every time he needs him, and, consequently, the first time he's ever felt safe in allowing himself to rely on his dad, just a little bit.

He eventually has to admit to himself that that may be a bit of an understatement. Truth be told, he never wants his dad to leave.


	12. Ten

10.

The next time his consciousness decides to reassert itself, he finds that he's so cold, even the two extra blankets that cover him don't seem to help.

He presses against his dad's chest, painfully desperate for warmth. He wishes there could be some way for him to put into words how grateful he is that his father's picked just the right time to start being the dad Lee's always wished for.

Well… he can think of one way.

"I love you, Dad."

His father's arms tighten around him, and his voice sounds a little choked when he finally answers.

"I love you, too, Little One."


	13. Eleven

11.

"Why do you look at me like that?"

"What?"

His dad looks surprised; he doesn't seem to have realized that Lee was actually awake. Probably because for the first time in who knows how long, he's not shivering uncontrollably, drenched with sweat, or struggling with his furiously rebelling stomach.

In fact, he feels… good.

Maybe he's finally recovering.

"Sometimes I see you watching me, and you look…" He pauses, searching for the right word. "Guilty. Like you did something wrong, and you don't know how to fix it."

His father smiles sadly. "Maybe I did do something wrong. And maybe I know I can't fix it." He watches Lee yawn and brushes a hand over his hair affectionately. (Lee wonders when exactly his dad started doing that, and when he himself stopped minding.) "You should go back to sleep. You need the rest."

Sleep sounds good; wonderful, actually. But Lee can't let it go, can't forget about whatever it is that's weighing so heavily on his father's mind.

"What is it, Dad?"

_What could you possibly have done to me now that's so terrible?_

_I thought we'd left all that behind._

_Or at least… I'd hoped._

Lee's clear blue eyes stare insistently into his father's, and Bill knows he has to give him an answer. He owes him that much, since Lee can't remember.

He looks away from his son, staring down at the blankets on his bed.

"I left you."

"What?"

"On Kobol," Bill answers heavily. "After you were shot, I – I left you there. It's my fault they took you. My fault they did all this to you."

Lee shivers, confusion and hurt fighting for dominance.

_Why?_

_Why would you do that do me?_

But then it clicks.

"_You have no idea, do you? Your dad didn't tell you?_

_We thought you were dead, Lee."_

"You thought I was dead. They shot me, and you thought I was dead. But they were coming, they were almost on top of us. So you had to go back to the Raptor without me."

"I shouldn't have left you," Bill insists. "I should have found a way to bring you with me. I could have found a way."

"How far were we from the Raptor, Dad?" Lee asks quietly.

Bill looks at him for a long moment, finally answers reluctantly. "Half a mile."

"So you were going to carry me through half a mile of forest without getting shot yourself, then? That's what you should have done?"

"Yes."

"We'd be _dead_," Lee says flatly. "Both of us. They'd have caught up to you long before you reached the ship, and we'd both have died."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do! And so do you! So just stop it! Stop trying to beat yourself up over something you couldn't have changed! I don't need you sitting here feeling guilty for not helping me before. I just need you to help me now," he finishes in a small voice.

Eyes once again filling with tears, Bill reaches out to his son and envelopes him in his arms. "I'll help you," he whispers softly. "Whatever you need, I'll help you."

"I know, Dad," Lee answers, stifling another yawn as he leans against his father's chest.

Resting his cheek on his son's hair, Bill says something so quiet Lee can barely make it out.

"When did I ever do something good enough to deserve a son like you?"


	14. Twelve

12.

The next time Lee wakes up after the conversation about his father's culpability in what happened to him, neither of them quite knows what to say to the other. They'd never talked about that sort of thing before, preferring to keep such personal feelings to themselves. Now that it's out in the open, it's hard to go back to the way things were.

They sit in silence for a long time, each trying to think of something to say, neither succeeding.

Lee hears his father sigh quietly, knows he wishes just as badly as Lee does that their relationship was an easier one.

Bill shakes his head, finally tired of the quiet, and says the first thing he thinks of.

"How are you, Little One?"

Lee shrugs slightly, tries not to wince at the movement. "All right. Better than before." Then, as the attempt at conversation seems dangerously close to falling flat, he also says the first thing that comes to mind.

"Why do you call me that?"

"What?"

"Little One."

"Oh." To Lee's surprise, his father smiles. "I guess you mother never told you. She was probably embarrassed to admit it. For about two weeks after you were born, you didn't, uh… you didn't exactly have a name."

Lee stares at him, all awkwardness forgotten. "What?"

Bill has to laugh at the look on his son's face. "We couldn't agree on what to call you. So until we settled on a name, I just called you Little One."

"It took you two weeks to come up with Lee?"

"Your mother had suggested Leland the first time we talked about it. I said no. Two weeks later, I finally agreed, on the condition that she allow me to shorten it to Lee," Bill laughed.

"Oh." Lee isn't quite sure how he's supposed to feel about this, but after a moment, a smile slowly appears on his face. "I suppose I should thank you for that."

"Damn right, you should," Bill chuckles. "Imagine if Kara ever found out that your full name is Leland."

"I'd really rather not," Lee admits, still grinning.

Maybe there is a way for him to have an easier relationship with his dad, Lee thinks as Bill launches into another story from Lee's early childhood. If they can get better at focusing on the good memories instead of the bad ones, maybe they'll be all right.

* * *

A/N: The 'Little One' thing is a headcanon that I will only give up when it's _pried from my cold dead hands. _Also, I really can't help wondering if and when Kara ever found at that Lee's full name was Leland. I just feel like she would have found that hilarious ;)


	15. Flashback Three

Flashback 3: Bill

"_How's he doing?"_

_Bill looked up to see Laura Roslin standing nearby, looking sadly at Lee. He didn't want to answer her question, didn't want to think about what the Cylons had done to his son, but he knew she really did care about Lee, so he forced himself to respond._

"_No change since they brought him in. Doc doesn't think he has much chance."_

"_But he's been here six days. There's really… nothing?"_

"_Nothing," Bill said heavily. He was surprised when she reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder._

"_I'm so sorry. I can't imagine…" She stopped, shook her head. "I just don't want to see you get him back only to lose him again."_

_Bill didn't answer. There was nothing to say._

"_I know you don't believe in the gods," Laura said softly, "but I just want you to know… I'm praying for him." She squeezed his shoulder bracingly and left._

_Bill listened to her go, his throat tight with emotion._

"_Thank you."_


	16. Thirteen

13.

"How's he doing?"

Bill is no longer surprised when Laura appears at his side as he watches over his sleeping son, nor when she pulls up a chair and sits next to him.

"Better, I think. Still sleeps a lot and has trouble keeping down much food, but he's starting to get stronger."

"Thank the gods," Laura whispers softly.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Bill watching Lee sleep, Laura watching Bill watch his son with a faint smile on her face.

Lee shifts slightly, whimpering quietly in his sleep, and Bill automatically reaches out and brushes a hand over his forehead, stroking his hair until he calms.

"I think he's getting closer to remembering," he explains softly, finally noticing the way Laura is looking at him. "He's started having bad dreams."

"He's lucky to have a father who loves him so much," Laura says with a smile. "The two of you seem so much closer now than you did before."

Bill nods. "It's getting easier. Although that may just be because we're both too tired to argue," he adds with a wry smile. But after a moment, he sobers again and continues. "So many times now I've thought I've lost him, only to somehow get him back again. How many more times is that likely to happen?" He shakes his head. "I just want to be close to him for once… while I still can. Problem is, I can't tell if he wants to be close to me. I never was any good at reading him."

"He does," Laura answers confidently. "He does want to be close to you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Back before all of this happened, before Kobol," Laura says slowly, considering her answer, "on the day you were shot…"

Bill frowns involuntarily, but nods for her to continue when she pauses.

"Colonel Tigh had him thrown in the brig, of course. He was in the cell next to mine. Tigh left him there all night, still cuffed, covered in your blood up to his elbows. And the look on his face… I've never seen him look so lost. I tried to encourage him to get some sleep, but I don't think he ever did. When he finally laid down he had his back to me, so I couldn't see his face, but… I could hear him crying." *****

Her words are like a knife to the gut, and Bill looks away, staring at his son's face. Under the half-healed cuts and bruises, he looks so young, so peaceful.

_No thanks to me._

"I think he was afraid," Laura continues. "Afraid of losing you, and afraid that you would die hating him for what he did."

"I never hated him," Bill whispers.

"I know," Laura assures him sadly. "But I don't think he does."

* * *

*See my oneshot 'Blood On His Hands'


	17. Fourteen

14.

"Captain Apollo?"

A woman stands nearby, watching Lee with a kind smile on her face. He recognizes her – finds her face familiar, at least – but, once again, he can't think of her name. It doesn't bother him as much as usual though, because of the way she's looking at him. There's something in her eyes, something he hasn't seen in anyone else's eyes but his mother's, and not since he was very small.

"Do you mind if I sit down?" she asks softly, gesturing toward the chair next to his bed.

Lee shakes his head, watches as she sits down, still trying to assign a name to her face. There's only one person who always calls him Captain Apollo; he knows that much.

"_Sir, 'Apollo' is just my call sign... My name is Lee Adama."_

"_I know who you are. But 'Captain Apollo' has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"_

Lee frowns, struggling to hang on to the fragment of memory, to bring more details to light, but in spite of his best efforts, none emerge. The scene fades away, giving him no hint as to the woman's identity.

"I – I'm sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed. "I can't remember your name."

"Oh, no, _I'm_ sorry," she answers quickly, earnestly. "I should have known; your father told me you've been having trouble with your memory."

"Having trouble," Lee repeats with far more bitterness in his voice than he intends. "He makes it sound like a few things have just slipped my mind." He flushes slightly, wishing he hadn't said so much.

But the woman merely smiles sadly at him, reaches out and takes his hand. Lee feels a strange ache in his chest, a longing for something he hasn't had since he was a child, since his father left for the last time and his mother decided that alcohol was more important than her sons.

"I know it's worse than that," the woman says softly. "I know you can't remember me. My name is Laura Roslin, and – well – I'd like to say we're friends. After all we've been through together, everything you've done for me, I think mutual friendship is a safe assumption."

"_I am aware that you were in charge of the mission that destroyed the Olympic Carrier. I know what a hard thing that is to live with, for all of us."_

"Captain? Are you all right?"

"Yes," Lee answers absentmindedly, automatically.

"_Do you think we made a mistake?"_

"_I don't know. I don't have a desk drawer yet, but I have a pocket."_

"Olympic Carrier."

"Captain?"

Lee looks up at the woman – Laura – and tries to explain what he's just seen. "I tried to talk to my father… about the Olympic Carrier. He didn't turn me away, but – well, he was like he always is."

"_But don't we have a responsibility? I mean, as leaders, don't we have an obligation to question our actions to... I don't know, to make sure the decisions that we make are the right decisions?"_

"_We did what we had to do, son. A man takes responsibility for his actions, right or wrong. He accepts the consequences and lives with them. Every day."_

"I tried to live with that, to let that be good enough, but it wasn't. But then you… you told me that – that it's 'imperative for a leader to remember and learn from the mistakes.' And you showed me a piece of paper…"

"…that had 'Olympic Carrier' written on it," Laura finishes for him. "That's right." After a brief moment of hesitation, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small sheet, unfolding it slowly. "The list is a bit longer now, I'm afraid."

She holds it out to Lee, and he takes it uncertainly, looking at the names. The Olympic Carrier is at the top, followed by a few others that he either doesn't know or doesn't remember. But, much to his surprise, at the very bottom of the list is –

"Me?"

It's been crossed out, but it had once, beyond any doubt, read 'Lee Adama.'

Laura's hand still rests on his, and she squeezes it lightly, her eyes not entirely dry. "I must confess, I had a specific reason for coming here today, more than just to visit a friend." She takes the paper back from him and looks at his name for a long moment before slipping it back into her pocket. "Your name is on my list, because… you died. Three and a half months ago, you died. And it was my fault. You were on Kobol because of me, because I depended too much on my Captain Apollo. I took you away from your father, and away from Captain Thrace, and... and I'm the reason all of this happened to you."

"Laura – " Lee tries to stop her, but she holds up a hand, gently silencing him.

"I came here to ask for your forgiveness," she finishes softly. "Even though I don't deserve it. But I am so, so sorry for what I did to you. I need you to know that."

There are so many things he wants to say to her: that she's the closest thing to a mother he's ever had, that it wasn't really her fault that he was on Kobol, that he'd done the things he'd done for his own reasons and not hers or his father's. But he doesn't know how to say any of that, and all that comes out instead is:

"I know."

He wants to say so much more, but he knows from the look on her face that she understands anyway.

"Thank you, Lee."

Even though he can't remember for sure, he knows somehow that this is the first time she's ever called him by his first name.

"I should go," Laura says at last, standing up. "You need to rest." She moves to leave, but then stops and turns back. "I know it's not my place to involve myself in your family affairs, but… your father really is trying, you know."

"I know," Lee says again, even more quietly this time.

Laura gives him a small smile. "Get well soon, Captain."


	18. Fifteen

15.

For the next week or so, every time Lee talks to his father, he can't shake the feeling that there's something his dad wants to talk to him about, something important, but he doesn't quite know how to broach the topic, whatever it may be. So Lee remains silent as well, giving his dad a chance to figure out whatever it is.

In the meantime, though, he has plenty to keep him busy, because the doctor has finally decided that Lee is now strong enough to have visitors – a decision that his dad is definitely taking to heart, because it seems as though half the ship has come to see him already, and Lee is almost positive that it's because his dad asked them to in the hope that one of their faces would jog Lee's memory.

So far, none have.

Even if Lee could remember his entire life, he's fairly convinced that he still wouldn't be able to think of a time when he'd been more frustrated. He's grateful that so many people care enough about him to come and see him whether he remembers them or not – but that's the problem, really. He _can't_ remember them. And after a while, it becomes more than a little annoying to have to ask everyone to introduce themselves.

Some of them deal with the request better than others. Some look guilty that they forgot he wouldn't know their names, and some become flustered and awkward after he asks. But worst of all are the ones who tell him who they are and then spend the rest of the conversation staring at him with so much pity in their eyes it nearly makes him nauseous again. He knows they mean well, but he doesn't want their pity.

He wants his memory back.

On this particular afternoon, he's had a steady stream of visitors, most of them members of the deck crew. The girl who had just left had been nice enough. Actually, Lee had rather enjoyed her surprisingly cheerful company – until he had finally been forced to ask her name, because when Cally Henderson introduced herself, the pity in her face made him want to scream. As much as he would have liked her to stay and talk for a while, he finally ended up pretending that he was tired so she would leave.

That's when his father returns, and Lee knows he can see the despondency in his face practically as soon as he enters.

"I passed Cally on my way in. I'm guessing she was here to see you."

"Yeah," Lee answers shortly, noncommittally.

His dad sighs quietly, reaches out and brushes a hand softly over Lee's hair. "You still haven't remembered anyone else, have you?"

Lee shakes his head, staring down at the blankets.

His father wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulls Lee in against his chest. "I'm sorry, Little One."

"What if I don't get better, Dad?" he murmurs dejectedly, leaning into his father's arms. "What if I never remember?"

"You will," his dad answers quietly, firmly. "I won't let you stay like this. I'll find a way to help you remember. I promise. Okay?"

Lee doesn't know what to say. He wants to believe his father, but part of him doesn't dare.

"Hey." His dad puts a hand under his chin, tilts his head up until Lee is looking him in the eye. "I keep my promises. Especially to the people I love. Okay?"

_The people I love._

The words echo in Lee's mind, and he clings to them like a frightened child.

"Okay."


	19. Sixteen

A/N: This is the big one, guys. (Not the last one, but the _big_ one.) And it's got Helo in it!

* * *

16.

"Hey, Apollo."

Lee looks up from the book he's been reading in surprise, as he hadn't heard anyone enter.

"Hey."

The man standing at his bedside is tall – very tall – and grinning somewhat uncertainly. "I know you probably don't remember me, so just so you know, my name's Karl Agathon, call sign Helo."

It's the first time anyone's told Lee their name without needing to be asked, and he honestly isn't sure how to respond. Finally, he says the first thing he thinks of.

"So… you're a pilot, then?"

Helo nods easily. "Yep. Not one of you Viper jocks, though. You guys are a special kind of crazy," he laughs. "I'm a Raptor pilot."

Lee stares at him for a long moment, frowning slightly.

_You've introduced yourself to me like this before._

_And I – I laughed. I agreed with you._

"_A special kind of crazy. Yeah, that sounds about right."_

_I was uncomfortable, felt like I didn't belong, and you were the first person to make me laugh. I've always been grateful for that._

"You okay, Apollo?"

Lee snaps back to the present. Helo looks faintly worried, but there's no awkwardness or pity in his face or body language, and Lee is again overwhelmed with gratitude.

"Y-Yeah, fine. I just…"

_He'd seen Helo's name on the list of the dead after the initial Cylon attacks – Agathon, Karl C. – and in the unreality of it all, that was the only thing that was really able to sink in, the only thing that hurt, because while everyone else had treated Lee like an outsider, like the commander's son, Helo was the only one who had treated him like a friend._

"I'm not the only person here who's returned from the dead."

Helo looks surprised at first, but then grins again. "Do you – do you remember me?"

"I remember meeting you for the first time," Lee answers slowly, struggling to sift through the images that are slowly filling his mind, each one leading to another and still another. "I remember being told you were dead by… Boomer." He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Boomer was a Cylon. She – she shot my dad. I committed mutiny, and she shot my dad, and I ran away with the president… We went to Kobol, and you were there, with another Boomer… but she helped us, she could have killed us, but she didn't." The images – memories – are becoming more and more confused, out of order, and yet somehow they all make perfect sense, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. "The president – Laura – she calls me Captain Apollo, because she likes the way it sounds. I'm her advisor. Dad wasn't happy about it, I think he thought I was choosing her over my loyalty to the military, to him… And then I mutinied, and I thought – I thought he hated me – " He breaks off suddenly, breathing heavily, opening his eyes and looking up at Helo, embarrassed to have said so much.

But Helo doesn't seem to mind. "You remember. Not just me, but everything. It's all coming back."

"Yeah," Lee answers breathlessly, relieved that the other man isn't focusing on what he's just said.

"Lieutenant Agathon."

Both Lee and Helo look up in surprise to see Bill Adama standing nearby, watching Lee with an intense pain in his eyes.

"I'd like to have a private word with my son, please."

Helo nods, standing and saluting his commander. "Yes, sir." He glances back at Lee. "Want me to come back later, Apollo?"

"Yes," Lee says immediately.

Helo grins, nods again, and leaves. Lee watches as his father takes his place in the chair next to his bed.

"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a little while now," he begins slowly. "But I didn't know how to – to say it…"

"I know," Lee says quietly. "I could tell."

His father watches him for a moment, wondering, as he notes the way Lee's healing physically, if he's doing half so well emotionally.

"I heard what you just said."

Lee reddens slightly, looks away. "I wasn't… I didn't mean – "

"Yes, you did. You meant it," his dad says heavily. "You think I'm still disappointed in you for your mutiny and for helping the president escape."

Lee can't answer. He doesn't want to admit that it's true, but he knows it is.

"I'm not, Lee. I'm not disappointed, and I never hated you."

Lee tries and fails to think of something to say, so he instead remains silent, still unable to look at his father.

"When it first happened, when you – when you mutinied…" He shakes his head. "I _was_ disappointed, at first. I was angry. I thought you'd finally chosen a side, and I thought you'd chosen the president over me." He watches Lee struggle to control his emotions, finally reaching out and resting a hand on his arm, relieved when Lee doesn't try to pull away. "It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't just mad at you; I was mad at myself as well, because I thought… I thought it meant I'd finally failed as a father."

At last forcing himself to made eye contact with his dad, Lee is surprised to find that he's not the only one with unshed tears in his eyes.

"That was when I started to think, _really _think, about what it meant for us and about what I should do. And after a while, I realized I wasn't disappointed anymore, because you were right. I had no right to try to overthrow the president, and you tried to stop me in the only way you could. The only thing I was worried about then was whether or not I could trust her, because… I never believed in Earth," he admits reluctantly.

"I know," Lee assures him quietly. "I could always tell you didn't really know where it was. I know you just said it to give everyone hope." Noticing that his father is looking at him rather strangely, Lee can't help but feel a little self-conscious. "What?"

"I didn't realize you knew," he answers softly. "I thought you believed it. _That_ was why I said it… I wanted to give _you _hope."

"Oh." Once again, Lee doesn't know what else to say. After a long moment, though, curiosity urges him to restart the conversation. "So why did you change your mind? About trusting the president, I mean."

"Because you trusted her, and I trust you," his father answers simply. Smiling wanly at the surprise on Lee's face, he continues. "There was another reason as well. It seems to me that… the president – Laura – is my best hope of finding a home for you."

Lee stares at him in confusion. Whatever he had expected him to say, that wasn't it. "What?"

"I'm an old man, Lee," his father replies softly. "I've had my chances, made my decisions, and lived my life by them, for better or for worse. But you… you're so young. You could have done so much, could have _been_ so much more than this. But then the Cylons took that away from you, and now this life that you never really wanted is all you have, all you'll _ever_ have… unless we find Earth."

For the first time in his entire life, in his entire relationship with his father, Lee is completely, utterly stunned. This goes so far beyond anything his dad has ever said to him before. As far as he knows, it's the first time William Adama has ever allowed himself to say exactly what he feels, and, consequently, the first time Lee's ever realized just how deep his father's emotions run.

And, more importantly, it's the first time in his life that Lee has ever truly known the unconditional love of a parent for his child.

He again looks away from his father, fighting harder than he ever has before to keep his own emotions in check. It's something he's spent his entire life doing, and he's good at it – until now. A single choked sob escapes him, and before he knows it, the floodgates are open, and he's crying: crying for missed chances with his father and for the relationship that he had just started to rebuild with his mother before the Cylons came; for the brother whose death he's never really dealt with and for all the grief and pain he's channeled toward all the wrong people; for the home and all of the friends he'd lost in the attacks; for everything he'd suffered at the hands of the Cylons – for all of the things he's kept hidden away for as long as he can remember – he cries.

Despite his father's show of emotion just a few minutes before, Lee can't help feeling embarrassed – until his father reaches out and envelops him in his arms, pulling him into a strong embrace. And for the first time, Lee allows himself to hold on just as tightly, waiting for the tears to stop.

"It's okay, Little One. It's all right. I'm your father; it shouldn't have taken me twenty-six years to tell you that I love you, and I'm sorry." Bill rests his cheek against his son's hair, feeling a few stray tears make their way down his own face. "Gods, I wish you hadn't listened to most of the things I used to tell you. Hiding your emotions doesn't make you a man. You do that on your own, and you're a damn good one. Better than me, anyway."

They sit in silence for a long time, neither of them willing to let go. Lee can't believe how good this feels, this feeling of knowing, beyond any doubt, that he's loved. It's something he hasn't experienced since he lost his little brother, something he'd assumed he would never find again.

But he has. And no matter what the future brings for him and his father, he's never letting it go again.


	20. Seventeen

17.

"_You have no idea who this is, do you?"_

"_Should I?"_

_Lee could hear the voices of the two Cylons nearby, but he couldn't see them. He didn't want to see them. If they got that close, it was because they were going to hurt him again._

"_Look at him. You can see it."_

"_I have looked at him. I haven't seen anything," the second voice answered with almost childish irritation._

_Two blurry forms came into Lee's view at the far end of the room, too far away for him to be able to focus on them._

"_He doesn't look at all like… a certain _Commander_ to you?"_

_There was a brief, pregnant pause. "You're not saying – "_

"_This boy is an _Adama_. He's Commander Adama's son."_

"Hey! You still with me, Apollo?"

Lee looks sheepishly up at Kara, hoping she can't see how shaken he is. "Yeah… yeah, I'm with you." He tries to keep his voice light, but he knows immediately that he hasn't quite succeeded.

"I thought you'd remembered everything already," she says quietly.

Lee sighs, frustrated. "I thought so, too, but… turns out I haven't. I'm still remembering what – what they did to me." He takes a deep breath, willing himself to shut the images out, to remain in control. "It's still coming back in bits and pieces, always when I least expect it. Usually when I try to sleep," he admits reluctantly. As awkward as it is telling the great Starbuck that he's been having bad dreams, he needs to talk to someone, and at the moment she seems like the best choice.

Her response surprises him. "What, you think you're the only one around here who has nightmares? I've seen every pilot on this ship wake up sweating and yelling at least once. Believe it or not, none of us expect you to be the miraculous exception to that, even if you are the big, tough CAG."

"Oh." Lee doesn't quite know what else to say.

"Have you tried talking to your dad about it?" Kara asks carefully, uncertain how the suggestion will be received.

"_He's Commander Adama's son."_

Lee shakes his head firmly. "I can't. Not this time."

"Why not?" Kara asks, exasperated but unsurprised.

"It's not what you think," Lee insists. "Whatever's going on with Dad and me now… it's getting easier. That's why I can't tell him about this. I can't do that to him."

"What do you mean?"

"He blames himself for what happened to me. I tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I know he still feels guilty. Telling him this would only make it worse."

Kara stares at him in surprise, reflecting for a moment on the revelation that this is not the same Lee Adama who had had to be ordered to attend the decommissioning ceremony for his father's ship all those months ago.

Finally, she breaks the silence. "Tell me, then."

"What?"

"We're friends, aren't we?" Kara says, doing her best to hide the discomfort that naturally arises at the thought of any personal conversation. "Friends are supposed to do this kind of stuff, right?"

"Sure… but I never thought the conventional rules of friendship applied to Kara 'Lives-Outside-the-Box' Thrace," Lee grins teasingly.

"Get on with it before I change my mind, Adama."

The smile slips from Lee's face. "Yeah, all right." He stares, unseeing, at the foot of his bed, shivering slightly at the scene that fills his mind. "It's not much, really. It's just… I never told the Cylons who I was. They already knew."

"How?"

"I don't know. I heard one of them say I looked like Dad, but… I don't know. But the thing is…" He swallows hard, his body tensing involuntarily with the stress of the memory. "That's why they did all this to me. Because I'm _Commander Adama's son_."

"That's why you were so much worse than all the rest of the prisoners they brought in from that ship," Kara says quietly, hot anger flaring up inside her. "They wanted to hurt you because you're an Adama."

"Yeah," Lee whispers in a slightly strained voice. "That's why I can't tell Dad."

To his great surprise, Kara reaches out and takes his hand. "You really love him, don't you?"

"'Course I do," Lee mumbles, embarrassed. "He's my dad."

"A few months ago, you probably wouldn't have felt this way," Kara reminds him. "And even if you did, you definitely wouldn't have admitted to it."

"Yeah, well… maybe I'm different now," Lee says softly.

Kara nods, her expression uncharacteristically soft and understanding. "Maybe we all are."


	21. Eighteen

18.

"Are you going to let me out of here soon?"

The doctor raises an eyebrow, looking over his patient critically, all the while trying to pretend that the young man isn't getting on his last nerve.

"Depends. What's my name?"

Lee glares at him. "Cottle. Did you think I was going to forget again overnight?"

"Are you the doctor here? No? Then shut up," Cottle says gruffly, now hiding amusement at the stony looks he's receiving.

"There's no reason to keep me here."

"What part of 'shut up' do you not understand? You'll leave my sickbay exactly when I say you can, and not a moment sooner."

Biting back an irritated retort, Lee sits in moody silence as Cottle completes his examination, trying to ignore the way the doctor is muttering to himself about "godsdamned Adama's."

Finally satisfied that everything is in at least semi-working order, Cottle chooses to address his patient's concerns. "You do realize that even if I let you out of here, you won't be back on active duty for a few more weeks, at least."

Lee seizes on the first part of his question eagerly. "So you _can_ let me out?"

"Are you even listening to me?" Cottle asks, annoyed, prodding at a half-healed bruise with a little more force than Lee finds entirely necessary. "When you leave here, you're confined to the mess hall, your father's quarters, and your own bunk."

"I'm not allowed to take a walk around the hanger deck?"

"No. Knowing your family, the temptation will probably prove too great."

Lee's shoulders slump. He doubts that he really would have tried to sneak his Viper out for a spin, but he'd been having fun entertaining the notion.

"But if I promise to do what you say, you'll let me out of here?"

"Sure," Cottle concedes just a little too easily. "If your father agrees, of course."

"Agrees with what?"

Lee sinks farther still into his pillows as his dad appears behind Cottle. "I_ am_ an adult, you know. My dad doesn't actually get to make medical decisions for me anymore."

"Maybe not, but a commander does get to make decisions regarding the status of his subordinates. Fun, isn't it?" Cottle retorts dryly.

Bill raises an eyebrow at the frustrated look on his son's face as he turns to the doctor. "You want to know if I think you should let him out of here."

It takes every ounce of maturity in Lee's body not to make a sarcastic comment. His father sees him almost literally bite his tongue, and turns away to hide a smile.

"I know how he feels," he says to Cottle, quietly enough so that Lee can't hear. "I don't think staying here will do him much good. Knowing him, he'll do a lot better someplace he feels comfortable. Besides," he finishes, "I'll keep an eye on him."

Cottle nods almost imperceptibly, noting the way the young man in question is watching them both like a hawk. "I know." Finally, he addresses his patient. "One more day, just to make sure nothing goes wrong. Then you can leave." Unfortunately, the younger Adama's smile is more than a little infectious, and Cottle excuses himself quickly.

Bill has to chuckle at his son's pleased reaction. "It won't last forever. You'll be flying again before you know it."

Lee grins at him, his excitement obvious. "I know."

"In regards to that, there's something I wanted to ask you," his father says slowly. "When Cottle eventually does return you to flight status… I'd like to fly your wing your first time out."

"Really?" Lee asks, surprised.

His dad nods. "I know how much it means to you. I'd like to be there."

Lee grins again, reveling in the knowledge that his father wants to be there for him. "Husker and Apollo, right?"

His father grins back at him. "Right."

* * *

A/N: I _cannot_ be the only person who desperately wishes that we could have seen the Adama boys fly together at some point.


	22. Nineteen

19.

Lee again sits mulishly on the edge of a bed in sickbay, waiting for Dr. Cottle to finish one last examination. The man is taking his sweet time about it, and Lee is almost positive that it's because he's enjoying his patient's agitation.

The tense silence in the room drags on and on, until at last, Cottle grunts unhelpfully, "You're still underweight."

Lee's jaw clenches, and he folds his arms tightly across his chest as the room's third occupant lets out a snort of laughter.

"Shut up, Starbuck."

"Make me, _sir_," Kara grins insolently, the last word dripping with sarcasm. Since first breaking the news to Lee that they're now of equal rank – she'd replaced him as CAG after his apparent death – she has yet to stop rubbing it in his face at every opportunity.

Doing his best to ignore her, Lee turns to Cottle instead. "I'm gaining it back," he insists obstinately. "You know that. Besides, all that matters is that I'm strong enough to fly a Viper."

"That's for me to decide," Cottle counters, equally stubborn.

Eager to change the subject, Lee again turns his attention back to Kara. "Where's my dad?"

She shrugs, smirking. "Why? You think Daddy will make the mean doctor let you fly your planes?"

Lee glowers at her, and she laughs at the look on his face.

"I honestly don't know where he is," she says conciliatorily. "But if I had to guess… he's probably trying to find a flight suit that fits."

Lee's head snaps up so quickly that Kara wonders vaguely just how he'd managed to avoid whiplash.

"Do you know something I don't?" His bright eyes flicker back and forth between Kara and Cottle, waiting for one of them to give something away.

"Just had to ruin the fun, didn't you, Starbuck?" the doctor sighs, knowing he's lost.

"What can I say, I felt bad for him, Doc," Kara replies, grinning. "I mean, just look at him, sitting there with that kicked puppy look on his face…"

If looks could kill, the one Lee gives Kara would have floored her in an instant. As it is, however, it only makes her smile all the broader.

Rolling his eyes at the antics of Galactica's two senior pilots – and all the while wondering just how two people with the approximate maturity of a pair of twelve-year-olds had ever managed to achieve such a level of authority – Cottle finally pronounces reluctantly, "I suppose… there's no reason to keep you grounded any longer. You're returned to flight status, effective immediately."

Unable to keep from smiling at the unbridled excitement in her friend's eyes, Kara punches him playfully on the shoulder. "Suit up, Apollo. Next CAP is all yours."

Fueled by exhilaration and a sense of euphoria that rivals anything he's felt in months – or perhaps even years – Lee slides off of the bed and grabs Kara in a bone crushing hug, actually giggling as he hears her laugh against his shoulder in spite of herself.

"Get out of here, you frakking idiot," she manages, struggling to hide her smile.

"Yes, sir," Lee tries and fails to answer seriously, giving her a ridiculously exaggerated salute. "On my way, sir." And then, on the spur of the moment, he grabs her again – and kisses her soundly.

Seconds later, a rather stunned Kara Thrace stands in sickbay with nothing but a mildly disinterested Dr. Cottle and the sound of Lee's rapidly retreating footsteps for company.

"Well, then," she says at last after a long moment of silence, still somewhat shocked. "We should do this more often."

Cottle glances up at her, one eyebrow raised at the thought of having to deal with an Adama in his sickbay yet again. "Please don't."


End file.
